Waiting for my weight to change

So, I'm still 227 this morning. I'm officially defying nature. I hope I don't burst into flame at some point as a result. I understand that I could be retaining weight from getting too few calories, but I would think that 1,000 - 1,400 a day should keep me above starvation level. I hope. It was my understanding that a week of no food is necessary to send your body into "Retain everything and start eating muscle to keep your organs functioning" starvation mode. I've run into plateaus in the past, but never like this. It was usually because I wasn't watching myself closely enough and I struggled with cravings. Now, I'm on top of my diet and I'm rewarded with being stuck. It's not fair. I eat too much, I'm fat. Eat too little, I'm fat. What's the deal? By that logic, if I eat nothing all week and then eat an entire cake on sunday, I'll never lose weight and live forever.